Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
