He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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