I'd wear matching sweaters with you
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
