I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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