Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
