Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
