did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
