Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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