Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
