Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
