i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
