Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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