aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
