Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize