Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
