it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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