Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
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I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
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Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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