cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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