I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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