Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Four minutes until I can fart!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
