Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
