Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
