I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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