hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
