so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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