I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
