If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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