Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
