I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
