bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
