Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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