it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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