Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
