I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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