Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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