I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
