Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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