My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How's work?
Spinning.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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