when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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