Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
