Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
