My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
