Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
