i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
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This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
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THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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