Betty ford says i'm here all night
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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