Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
