so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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