I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself