Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
