Don't you send me to vm
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles