you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
How does it feel to date your dad?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
