I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
