I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
