Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
