I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
