For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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