Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just want nice things and good sex
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
