drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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