dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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