We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
