...so i touched it.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
