Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
