i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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