he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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