if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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