so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
