YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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