So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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