I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
