i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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