No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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