i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
