yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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