Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
